Just do the work.

I have been asked some version of these questions many times in my recovery.

“What compelled you to move forward?” and “where did you find the strength to keep going?”

I will admit that as the years have progressed the answer has changed, I think my first answer, in all honesty, was something like, “I have no fucking idea why I am moving forward.” I now understand it much better, and it has evolved quite a lot.

When I think back to that early answer, I remember most was feeling so overwhelmed like I was staring up at a huge mountain I had to find a way to climb. What I did recognize is I had a passion inside me pushing me even though I did not know what success looked like. I was hell-bent to prove to myself that I could climb the mountain and stand on the demons that had for so long held me down.

This passion I felt is something I wish I could reach out and share with anyone that reads this, light some spark that of that drive or passion, like the one in me that burns to never again let my life be Lorded over by substance, habit, or my own indiscretions.

This passion to do the work has led me to the most fulfilling places, I have found Joy, happiness, and grateful contentment.

I was not always aware of how this happened, and so the journey for the last few years has been to look back and see what was happening for me, how could I better understand it and how could I share it, what could I tell others to help them make sense of the struggle.

A crazy event at the beach is a great way to explain what this all means to me.

I was recently on a little beach excursion with my wife trying to escape the heat. This happens often in the summer in Seattle most homes have no a/c and so the beaches are often crowded with people. My wife and I set up a sunshade and blanket and she took off to the water while I settled in. Not long after a much older couple made the way down the beach and took up residence very near me on a blanket of their own. They were working on setting up a shade and offered to help. In the process, I engaged the man in conversation.

It turns out the man had been traveling with his wife over the past few years by boat, seeing parts of the world that I have always dreamt of, I was entranced as he laid out the adventures, and talked about the amazing spots and crazy weather. We went back and forth for a long time and I had pretty much decided that this guy might be my hero. My wife had returned and we started to wind down the conversation. As we did I made a big deal out of expressing to this man that he was brave and was living a life I was envious of, my hope that one day I too could be so happy. To my shock, he quickly corrected me.

“I am not happy.”

“Never have been happy, I just figured that is life.” With that declaration, our conversation ended and I walked back to join my wife.

I worked this over in my head for a long while and realized that even if this guy was out doing what I hoped I would one day be doing, he was not happy, and I was not doing what he was doing, and I was happy.

This was the day a big piece of the puzzle clicked into place for me.

I came to understand at my core, that the journey we are the work we do is the joy. That contentment comes from recognizing it is in the journey, thats it, the destination are amazing but they are fleeting they cannot and do not last, but the journey, the work, and effort, the climb up the mountain this is where the gift of the journey is made. The harder the trip the more rewarding the destination, but we cannot skip the work. We must do the work.

My life is not some cockeyed walk through a perpetual rose garden, it is full of hard days, sadness, and struggle, and that goes hand in hand with amazing days full of amazing things and a whole lot of days that are boring. It all brings me to a place of great understanding.

If someone asks me on the beach if I am happy, I could smile a big broad broken smile and say without hesitation, I am living my best life. I am happy.

Life is all about connection, and the journey through connection. The deeper and more compassionate the connection the better the journey. I heard the saying forever, “if you want what we have, then do what we do”.

A real loving living connected life takes work.

So the formula at least is simple Just do the work.